grace

remember what the
dormouse said feed your head feed
your head feed your head

Good old days

I have two male children. Both of them play hockey. Hockey is a big-time commitment.

I often talk about the “four-hour 50 minute hockey game”… many of the games are in arenas that are far away from my house. Oftentimes, it takes an hour to just drive to the game and another hour to get back home. Coaches like to have the players at the arena an hour ahead of the game so that there is time to prepare, warm up, mitigate any problems, and so on. For both boys, each game is 50 minutes in length (50 minutes of ice time, plus 10 minutes for the Zamboni to resurface). If you add it up, that’s four hours to play three 10-minute periods of hockey over 50 minutes.

Add homework, violin practices, an occasional trip to the Dojo, and attempts to keep some semblance of order about the house, to that four-hour chunk out of your day, and there is little room for other activities. Friends? Who has time for friends? But that’s okay. Sometimes it sounds like I’m complaining. I’m not. Frankly, I’m fascinated by it all. I love watching my kids play hockey. But it’s part of my make up to analyze and discuss just about everything; I sometimes catch myself talking about all the commitments we make with hockey and wonder if I sound like I’m complaining about spending too much time at the rink. In case there’s any confusion: I’m not.

Honestly, I look at this time as the “Good Old Days”. These will be the days that my wife and I will reflect back on with fondness. It feels like we’re always running at 100kmph. And we certainly are. But this is a roller coaster. And roller coasters are fun.

Twenty years from now, I see myself sitting with my wife in my (finally) fully-furnished living room, gazing out at my fully-functional garden (just past my fully-constructed deck and patio), wondering what my boys are doing. I’ll keep myself busy (I am hopeful that I’ll see Rusty, Jason, and Shawn more frequently than I do today), but I know that I’m going to miss the crazy life I’m leading now.

Of course, at that point, maybe I’ll have grandchildren to take to the arena.

Rusty’s Primer on Bus Etiquette (or How to Avoid Being a Bus-hole)

Every day I take two buses to work and two buses home, and nearly every trip I am amazed by the number of flagrant violations of basic bus etiquette. Most of these violations seem to fall under the “I am a special butterfly” clause that tells people that certain societal mores (using the bus as society-in-microcosm) do not apply to them, but they would quickly condemn others for the same actions that they display.

So, as a public service (since I am nothing if not a giving, generous person), I will provide some basic bus etiquette rules for everyone to use as a guideline when asking themselves, “Am I a bus-hole?”

First we will cover off some basic rules that most people follow (though, as always, there are exceptions). Even if they ‘go without saying’, we still need to say them as groundwork for the more advanced topics later on.

RULE #1: Try not to touch anyone.

Now, this may sound a little extreme, but the reason it isn’t is the word ‘try’. You are not actually expected to never touch anyone on the bus, but keeping this simple rule in mind will stop you from over-crowding, pushing, or hitting people with your oversized purse or bag.

RULE #2: Whether using the regular two-person, forward facing seats or the sideways bench-style seats, do not sit next to someone you do not know unless there are no seats that will allow not doing so.

Personal space will be at a premium once the bus starts filling up, but there is no need to violate it until absolutely necessary.

RULE #3: There are no exceptions, barring physical limitations.

Remember that “I am a special butterfly” clause that I mentioned in the intro? There is no such clause. You are not special. These rules apply to everyone. (With the caveat that all these rules assume that you are able bodied and do not need special assistance. We will touch on the courtesy seats a little later, but otherwise I am assuming that you are physically able to follow these rules as presented.)

Now I will get into the more comprehensive bus etiquette rules. If these ones seem obvious to you, congratulations, you might not be a bus-hole.

FRONT COURTESY SEATS

RULE #4: The courtesy seats shouldn’t be used until the bus starts to fill up, unless you are one of the people the courtesy seats are there for.

It amazes me the number of people who get on the bus, don’t give the rest of the vehicle a second glance, and plop themselves down in the courtesy seats, when there are plenty of other empty seats to choose from. You should never forget why those seats are there. Saying “oh, I will move if I need to” is not really a good answer because most people don’t. The next answer usually is “I’ll move if someone asks me”. This is also unacceptable because you are putting people with enough other things to worry about in the position of having to point out their own infirmity. That just sucks. Don’t sit there until all the two-person seats have at least one person in them.

RULE #5: If you are in one of the courtesy seats and someone gets on who needs the seat more than you, get up and move.

This is a really simple rule and one that any decent human being follows already. If you are in one of those seats and someone gets who is elderly, or pregnant, or has some sort of physical handicap of any type etc. MOVE. Don’t look around and wait for someone else to move. Don’t sit until someone asks you to move. Don’t pretend to be asleep or too engrossed in the latest Danielle Steele novel. Just move. Not moving is probably the biggest bus-hole violation you could make.

RULE #6: If you have a stroller, try to keep it out of the way.

This one is tough, because there is only so much you can do, but if you get on the bus with a stroller, do whatever you can to make sure that stroller doesn’t block the aisle. Nothing else much to say here… just do your best.

FORWARD FACING TWO-PERSON SEATS

Obviously some of these sorts of rules don’t apply if you are on a bus that is mostly empty, but if you are to the point where half of the regular seats have at least one person in them, you need to follow all of these.

RULE #7: Do not sit by yourself in an aisle seat.

If you are fortunate enough to get on the bus when there are still completely empty seats, do not take one of those empty seats and sit on the aisle. You aren’t fooling anybody. You are doing it so that as the bus fills up, you will be one of the last people to have to share a seat. It is just rude and a violation of RULE # 3. The only way for anyone else to sit down on the seat will be to ask you to move, which nobody should be expected to do. Just sit by the window like everybody else.

RULE #8: Do not put your purse/bag/knapsack/whatever on the seat next to you.

This is basically the same violation as RULE # 7. Just don’t do it. Put it in your lap.

SIDEWAYS BENCH SEATS (AND BACK BENCH SEATS)

RULE #9: Just because you can see the seat, doesn’t mean you should sit in it.

This one is a bit tough because the bus manufacturers for the last couple of decades have installed ‘helpful’ little cushions that assign space for each person. That leads you to think that if a bench has four of those little cushions that four people can sit there. The problem is that not everyone is the same size. When you see a space on a bench between two people (or between a person and a seat back, a person and a post, etc.) look and see if your shoulders will fit in that space. If it is too narrow, do not sit down. Remember RULE # 1.

RULE #10: Try to leave as much space as you can when you sit down.

This is the corollary to RULE # 9. Don’t try to take up more space to stop someone from sitting down. We’re all in this together. Let’s try to get along.

STANDING

RULE #11: Move to the back.

Considering how many times you hear those words if you are a regular bus-rider, it is amazing that we even have to say it. It doesn’t mean move back if more people are getting on and it might get crowded. It means to move back. Now. If you are standing and there is room between you and the back of the bus, occupy it. Move back.

RULE #11A: (On articulated buses) Move away from the doors.

This is the version of RULE # 11 used if you are on a bus that allows back loading. You don’t have to move back per se. Instead you have to move away from the doors to allow people access on and off. This is one of those rules that seems like such common sense but is ignored constantly.

RULE #11B: Do not stop in the aisle to talk to a seated friend.

Remember RULE # 11? (How could you have forgotten it?) If you find yourself in a situation where you get on a bus with a friend and there is one seat open and they take it, or you get on a bus and happen to run into a friend who is seated and you have to stand, DO NOT stand in the aisle to talk to them and expect people to push past you to move to the back of the bus. Look at RULE # 3 again. There are no exceptions. If they really cared about talking to you they would stand up and move to the back of the bus with you.

RULE #11C: The doorway is not your personal nook.

Still with RULE #11, if you are in the process of moving back and reach the back doors (assuming that the bus you are on is not one of those buses where the door is at the VERY back), DO NOT stop and step into the doorway thinking you are “out of the way”. Keep moving to the back. By stopping in the doorway, rather than being in the way of the people moving back, you are now in the way of anyone who plans to get off the bus at any time. In other words, everyone. Just don’t do it. Move back. (This also goes for any other little crannies, like the buses that have a spot behind the driver.)

RULE #12: When someone needs to get past you, move.

When you are standing there will likely be many times when people have to squeeze past you to get off the bus. Yes, it sucks and yes, it is an unavoidable clash with RULE # 1, but there is no avoiding it. When it happens and someone has to get past you, just move. Don’t whine or give a dirty look. Don’t move two inches when they person trying to get past is built like a linebacker. Just move.

GENERAL BUS ETIQUETTE

RULE #13: You don’t have a ‘right’ to read a newspaper.

Feel free to read a newspaper, but when it gets crowded, that newspaper may be crowding your neighbours. When that happens, fold it up and put it away. If you are standing, you just don’t get to read. Get over it.

RULE #14: If you are going to have a conversation with someone on the bus, keep your voice down.

This is pretty self-explanatory.

RULE #15: If you are talking on a cell phone, see RULE # 14.

Better yet, text.

Are there more rules? Assuredly, but this is what pops to mind just now. Remember, these rules aren’t here because I am being a crotchety old bastard, they are guidelines that can make a somewhat unpleasant experience that much better. Follow them and everybody is better off.

Home sweet home

I just spent five months in the Caribbean and Central America, going to countries like Panama, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Jamaica, and Mexico, to name a few.  Every day on my sojourn, the outside temperature was usually well above the mid-30s, with a humidity that on some days was approaching 95-96 per cent.  Instant flop sweat, tongue hanging out like an overheated, panting St. Bernard-type weather.  But some of the beaches were nice…

Now, almost instantaneously, I find myself in the clutches of a particularly bitter Canadian winter cold snap, my feet are itching like crazy from dryness, my body shakes uncontrollably at times because I’ve been literally thrust into this environment overnight, and I’m nowhere near being acclimated to the conditions yet…

…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love my home and native land.  I think that “true patriot love” means actually looking forward to freezing your proverbials off at home, after spending months in the tropics…

5

macrochrome

digitalis struck
by a moving battery
of ballot boxes

Cakes for Haiti

A local group that I’m involved with has decided to raise some funds for Haiti. A noble cause.

A couple of folks in the community have donated hockey tickets and other prizes for a raffle. Others are assembling a collection of cakes for a “cake walk”. Now, I’m not completely sure what a cake walk is, but I assume that it has something to do with exchanging cakes for money. Some of the participants are making cakes themselves; others are approaching local bakeries for donations of cake.

I can’t consolidate the horrible contradiction of employing excessive consumption with raising money for people who have no food. Have we really come to the point where we can only do the right thing if there is some kind of potential prize involved?

This is happening in the schools. The “Jump Rope for Heart” campaign raises money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. Children who raise the most money win prizes including a Wii. I wonder if Nintendo actually donates any money to the cause in exchange for the mindshare they gain by having hundreds of children drooling over the ultimate prize while they canvas their neighbours for sponsorship?

Shouldn’t we be raising money because it’s the right thing to do? Do we really need to be incented with excesses to help those who need it most?

Peace, love, and understanding

I fairly regularly find myself driving a van full of ten year olds to hockey practice. Listening to them in the back of the van as I make my way across the city makes me chuckle. Ten year old kids, after all, are ten year old kids. And ten year old kids say some pretty silly things.

One of the challenges I face as I drive is deciding when and how to wade into their conversation. I feel that it’s important to let ten year olds express themselves, but I also feel that it’s important to issue little “course corrections” when inappropriate ideas surface. The other day, the boys flirted with the “n-word”, so I stepped in to let them know how hurtful that word can be.

Very often the conversation takes the form of how bad, mean, or stupid the other hockey team is. I tend to let this go for a while, but then gently remind the boys that the other team is just that: the other team. They are the competition, they are not the enemy. In hockey, just as in life, you have to respect the other team. They’re people, just like you. Sure, there is occasionally a kid who is a little mean-spirited, but–for the most part–the team you’re playing against is just like you. They want to win; that doesn’t make them evil or stupid.

The kids seem to get it.

The best part about hockey is that team compositions change. As my youngest son progresses through the ranks of competitive hockey, his team is merging with associations he used to play against. That is, many of his teammates this year are kids from teams he played against last year. Last year’s opponents, are this year’s teammates.

If only politics worked that way. I remember listening to Justin Trudeau say that his father, Pierre Trudeau, once scolded him for making jokes about a member of an opposition party; you can’t insult somebody because you disagree with their views. You have to respect your opponent. Whether you agree with his politics or not, you have to agree that showing your opposition proper respect is–in the long run–the best way to get good things done. FWIW, I haven’t been paying proper attention to young Mr. Trudeau and don’t have any idea if he’s following his father’s advice.

Politics have degraded so much. Where have the meaningful debates of opposing view points gone? Why is so much energy going into painting the opposition as evil, bad, or stupid? Short-sighted, short-term gains. In exchange for what?

These people need to spend some time in my van.

A New Blog

If you are interested in Rusty-the-poet (as opposed to Rusty-the-baseball-junkie, Rusty-the-incredibly-suave, or Rusty-the impossibly-handsome), there is a new blog for your perusal.

http://rustythepoet.wordpress.com/

In it I will be chronically my output as a spoken word poem, from the beginning.

Bye Doc

I am a baseball fan.
I am a Blue Jays fan.
I am a Roy Halladay fan.

It is a sad day.

Having said that, it was the right thing for AA to do and I am happy with the return. I already liked Brett Wallace and I am pretty happy about the reports on Drabek and d’Arnaud.

I Need a Beverage

Please visit my new Twitter page… it is so choice.

http://twitter.com/ineedabeverage